Valentine’s Day Massacre

Valentine’s Day Massacre

Let's just say we would have taken pictures of the aftermath and posted them here, but our legal team advised against it.

Joking aside, this post is a long time in the making. We have visited Boon the Burger at least three times before, but each time, we end up so stuffed our fingers have no brains left in them to type up a review before the next grub grab. This time, I have been tasked with the write-up. Hopefully it will be enough to get the 100% beef beef patties digested before a 7-mile-penance-run, shower and then hopefully a salad to pretend there has been balance with such a chocolate-and-romance kind of the day.

Getting started with the fries, they came to the table piping hot. Could have been because we were the first customers lined up when they opened, but rumor has it the fries are just as toasty for the last customers of the evening. If you tried telling us that the fries were bought pre-cut, we wouldn't believe you. They were fresh, clean, perfectly-seasoned with salt and pepper, and offered just enough of the irregularity in their skins to prove they were indeed decedents of the humble potato and not some manna from heaven. We had to work pretty hard to keep a few on the table to return to after finishing the rest of the meal. The last few were just as good as the first taste—even after neglecting them for a while.

The aloha burger says hello as you eat it goodbye one bite at a time. Tell us that "pineapple doesn't belong on...whatever," and the aloha burger is our  comeback—and you will end up yielding the argument. Period. It is sweet and savory. Onion haters, beware—there are real red onions offering the perfect amount of resistance to the bite that you'll maybe need to rethink your position. The cheese melts, covering and eventually (if you can wait that long) encapsulating the beef to a beefy-cheesy perfection. The aloha is a favorite we can't get enough of.

This spicy angel masquerades as something called the diablo burger. It will spice you up just right. The pickled jalapeños balance the smoked chipotle sauce to absolute perfection without overpowering the beef. What came off the grill was a form of dark magic, so we have to admit, there may be more to the name than you might dismiss—maybe the burger is a halo supported by horns? Either way, you'll love it, or you don't have a pulse.

As filling as it all was, we couldn't bring ourselves to miss out of the onion rings. We ordered them after finishing the burgers. As full as we were, we didn't regret a single bite. Fried to perfection, these rings were a treat sweet enough to believe they were donuts. That's not powered sugar on top—it’s grated parmesan. Absolute the yum!

Drink selection is decent but limited. There is something to whet your whistle for sure, but we suggest a sprite to keep yourself from literally rollin' out the door on your way home. 

And with that, wish me luck as it will be needed to get those running pants on and up around this waste after such a Valentine's treat. Cheers!